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Surprisingly, we had both recommended the same place.
As we eased into conversation, she revealed that she was aware of my trans status from my profile, and while she had previously dated women and been married to a man, she wanted to get back to her “Queer roots.” As we talked, we discovered that we shared some history in the Queer community.
We’d just met and were feeling out the situation and our interest in one another, the same way any two people do after a first date.
But obviously, the woman felt duped in some way, and she continued with her tirade.“You tricked me,” she said. Now I really felt the need to explain myself.“Firstly, you are making assumptions about what I have or don’t have in my pants, which is none of your business, just as I would not ask you if you have a vagina.
I had also planned a date with a woman I had also met via Facebook, in a group for FTMs, butches and femmes.
We had been flirting on Facebook for about a year and agreed that if either of us was ever traveling close enough to the other, we would meet.
Furthermore, there tends not to be much flexibility when it comes to stating your sexual orientation.
After I came out as trans (FTM), my lesbian relationship was ending, and my first instinct was to stick mainly to gay and lesbian dating sites.
But my attitude about dating has become more hopeful, as I’ve gotten more comfortable in my body, and used to making decisions that feel supportive to myself.
This June, for instance, I attended the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference for the first time.
After this notable dating disaster, I went on other dates that didn’t go as badly; but quite honestly, many people are not as open-minded as they’d like to believe.
I recall planning a couple of potential dates in which the person explicitly acknowledged being comfortable about meeting a trans person, and then would politely back out before the date even happened.
Part of me is tempted to say this is universal—that everyone kind of hates it. Of course, I didn’t self-identify as a woman inside—so that part wasn’t easy.